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[Jan. 4th, 2009|08:30 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | The Sixth Station-Spirited away | ] |
I realized my last post was a little angsty, so I did a little online research to try and find out what the problem was. I most certainly don't want to start out 2009 being a negative person and I definitely don't want to have low self esteem for the rest of my life. One of the first websites I went to, here, was something that really struck a cord with me. They did the usual, "If the answer to any of the above questions was yes..." bit, and I found that most of my answers were in fact, yes.
So I continued reading, and have come to the self diagnosed conclusion that I suffer from low self esteem. (Yeah, I know. Who would have thought, heh) My resolutions for 2009 are basically the tips given at the end of each description. I'm going to try and follow them to see if it helps me become a better rounded person. Hopefully as I complete these, I will be more confident in myself and will be able to like myself better. *Crosses Fingers*
I hope it works.
Here are my resolutions
♥ "Do unto yourself as you would do unto others"
♥ Acknowledge your successes and don't focus on only negative factors around you
♥ It's ok to be proud about your accomplishments
♥ Accept the realities that must be accepted
♥ Recognize that there are different ways to look at things
♥ Be specific about self-statements, even if you are thinking them in your head.
- Instead of saying "I'm so stupid" say "I'm so stupid for doing_________"
♥ Go with the flow |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 27th, 2008|03:27 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | Spotlight-Mute Math | ] |
Today, I realized something. I'm still trying to live for everyone else. Can't I ever be happy with just being myself? I guess not. I look around me and see people who seem like they know where they want to be and where they want to go. They look like they have their lives under control, they look like they're making something out of themselves. When I look at myself, what do I see? I see the same little girl trying to figure herself out. I see someone who's afraid to make commitments, who cares more about partying than studying, who isn't going to make a difference in the world.
I know this is a really negative way to look at things, but I think it's true.
I just wish I could make my parents proud.
I just wish I knew who I was and learned to accept that person.
I just wish...
I'd have the courage to live for me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 5th, 2008|02:54 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  Adventurous | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | Good Charlotte -The Anthem | ] |
Finals are next week. I'm putting off my dreaded studying until tomorrow, why? Because I'm a procrastinator to the extreme. Instead of doing what I'm supposed to be doing, my roommate, her friend, and I decided to go on an adventure to find the Greensburg Library.
We actually didn't get as lost as I thought we would. We only had to turn around once and then we found it quite easily. It's a pretty awesome place. It's a bit small, but quaint. We passed a few shops that looked like they would be nice to stop into some day when I have nothing else to do. Greensburg is such a cute little town, I absolutely love it!
It would be amazingly awesome if I could get an apartment around here. Living by myself sounds so peaceful, and with all these cute little neighborhoods, it would be so totally perfect. I might actually start looking into that. If I got an apartment, I could commute! That means I'd get my own car too! Oh, the possibilities. @u@
And I can safely say that I'm completely addicted to Rock Band. I can finally play 'hard'! I just can't stop playing. It makes me feel so accomplished. I'm going to play some more when I get back to my dorm!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 17th, 2008|02:16 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  flirty | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | Adamantine -Enya | ] |
I love snow. Winter is beautiful. The dead trees, the frozen ground, the steaming breath; these things make me nostalgic and inspired. Winter, unlike all the other seasons, stirs a passion in my heart. I love the cold. Here are a few winter Haikus:
Snowflakes fall gently
They continuously fall
On the frozen Clock
Fluffy and freezing
they land on my cheeks and nose
and they start to melt
The frozen earth Cracks
As our withered mother dies
Buried beaneath snow
The trees are baren
Dead beneath the frozen snow
unstoppable cold
Wrapped up near a fire
nose numb and cheeks thawing out
hot coco warms me |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2008|02:13 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  ditzy | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | All is full of love -Bjork | ] |
I have so much to write that I'm afraid I'll miss something! But I'll start at the beginning of my weekend.
Friday was the AAUW used book sale, and of course, my sister and I were two of the first people in line. It wasn't as crowded as it usually is, and I was thankful, because it usually gets really stuffy and clostrophobic in there pretty easily. Book hunting was a lot more comfortable without all those people cramming you in. We left with a good stack of books that day (I, myself leaving with a complete matched set of Abhorsen, one of my favorite series by Garth Nix) and then decided to go back the next day for the bag sale. Although we didn't find any cool sets this time around (last year we picked up a time life series of all sorts of myths, vampires, ghosts, and medieval knights), we did leave with a trunkfull of books. Yes, a trunkfull!
Saturday was supposed to be a shopping day because I'm in dire need of a new winter wardrobe and I was going to buy a spiffy little jacket, but I was sidetracked by the fact that no one was going to be home. So, I turned it into a relaxation night. I turned on some relaxing music, sat on my couch for almost four hours, and delved into twilight; a book I've been wanting to read for a while.
I finished Twilight today while I was waiting for my Anthropology class, and I must say, I can't see what all the hype is about. I found all the parts that did not include Edward to be quite boring. The writing was amateur at best, and the characters (Excluding Edward of course. I could go on a spree of all the reasons why he is, indeed, the perfect person, but I'll spare you. I'm sure you've all had your fair share of Edward fangirls running around playing Claire de Lune on repeat and imagining him standing outside their windows)...I Digress.
The writing was amateur and the characters were lacking depth. Bella actually got on my nerves a little bit. Jasper was probably my favorite character, and that is no way bias becuase they got a really cute Actorto play him in the movie...in no way bias.
I'll probably go see the movie just so I can compare it to the book. It looks like it could be semi-intriguing. And of course, it's vampires. I would never pass up a vampire movie, no matter how badly it sucked...(no pun intended, honest!) |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 5th, 2008|10:04 am] |
| [ | Location |
| | Library | ] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | Home -Zero 7 | ] |
Although I am beyond happy that Obama won, somehow I just can't get as excited as I normally would be. For one thing, This issue seems to be taking some of the glory away from the victory. In no way do I think it's fair or productive for the country. No, I do not live in California. Yes, I am straight. But for some reason this just really pisses me off.
Does it make sense to you to take a step forwards and then a huge mother-may-I step backwards? I doesn't make sense to me either. So we elected a president of African American descent. Yay for that, really. I am happy for him. But we still can't conceive letting two people who love each other get married?
So let's just say, my happiness is a little misplaced right now. It's hiding under the sewers plotting horrible horrible methods of torture for the conservative A-holes in the government.
Other than that, YAY OBAMA!!! :D I feel like my vote counted towards something! I feel like I made a difference in this country, because looking at that big blue line on the election results, I knew a little sliver of it was mine. :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 4th, 2008|11:32 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | Scream for more -DJ Dusty | ] |
Happy Election Day!
Although I didn't take advantage of the free coffee like I've been telling everyone about, I did wake up extra early just to get my vote cast. Ok, so, early for me would be 9:00, but still. I made an effort. It actually didn't take as long as I thought it would. I was in and out in under 10 minutes. It was liberating! I can't tell you how much of a difference I felt like I was making.
Election day should be a national holiday. I know a few people who can't vote strictly because their schedules won't allow it. How fair is that? I think everyone should have a chance to vote. If everyone had the day off, then no one could have an excuse for missing. I mean, this is something that effects our nation. It effects the next four years of all of our lives. I think one day off wouldn't be such a travesty if it meant making a good decision and letting everyone have their fair chance to vote for who gets to be president.
Now I'm back at my dorm and I'm starving. I haven't eaten anything since 11:00 yesterday! x.x
This weekend is the used book sale up at an old church. I'm going home yet again (I know, it's like I'm practically commuting) to partake in the lovely buying of books. How could I pass that up? I find some really awesome gifts there for christmas. There's a book for everyone and I never leave empty handed. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 1st, 2008|06:09 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | DotA -Basshunter | ] |
Today seems like a day to sit around and write a really long entry.
Well, Halloween was yesterday, and I didn't have as great of a time as I thought I would. For some reason it just wasn't feeling like Halloween. Sure, the leaves were all crisp and orange, the air smelled cold, the kids were all dressed up, but it just didn't feel the same.
Maybe it's simply because I've changed, grown up, that I don't really feel like there's a whole heck of a lot of magic left in the holidays. I didn't even help decorate the house like I usually do. I sat downstairs for a while, then meandered upstairs to help pass out candy for a while.
It was kind of a disappointment that I left my Tarot cards up at school. We had to use my sisters deck, which wasn't as cool cause it wasn't mine. My friends Amber, Tammy, and I got read by my sister, then we went upstairs to do a seance. It was the first seance I had done in over 4 years and it was really creepy. I miss the days when I used to do that kind of stuff every weekend, practically. Those were some fun times in middle school. Anyways, the seance definitely got us into the halloween spirit and then the rest of the night was good.
We all sat up late eating the leftover candy and telling scary stories. Maybe the magic is still there. I just need to start looking for it again. I think it's hiding...
Now I'm debating weather or not I should go shopping or sit around in my pajama's, being antisocial for the rest of the evening... |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 31st, 2008|11:29 am] |
| [ | Location |
| | Dorm | ] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | Paper Planes -M.I.A. | ] |
Hooray for Halloween! This morning was an adventure. Being the only three people (practically) awake at 7:30 in the morning, my roommates and I got all dressed up and made our way over to the campus only to find that no one else wore costumes.
What ever happened to the spirit of Halloween? I'm taking advantage of these days when I can still dress up without feeling like a fool. It was a bit cold, only wearing a skirt and tanktop, but I proudly marched my little combat boots into chambers hall and sat down in my Geology class. Eating breakfast was a fun experience too. I had to figure out how to eat Chocolate Chip pancakes without smearing black lipstick all over my face.
Now I'm heading home to spend some time with the family and pass out candy. I'm actually really excited because I can now watch scary movies on tv. That's right! After 18 years of boring cable-free life, my mom ordered cable for the house! So my night will most likely consist of the candy-passing-outage and cable bingeing night! |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 30th, 2008|09:48 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | Red...[em] -Dir en Grey | ] |
I've decided to start this journal over. It seemed fitting, seeing as my life is reaching a new height. It's the day before Halloween and as such, I think it's only appropriate to have a few spooky Haikus.
I see the specter
He's standing near my bedside
waiting for notice
Below you I rest
behind you I stand anew
born to a new life
Shapes out my window
Cast spectral shadows through which
the nightmares get in
Walking streets alone
is unsafe. For the vampires
will have a nice snack
Carven faces sit
all in a nice little line
pumpkin family!
Tomorrow, my roommates and I will be attending class decked out in gothic garb, and one of us will be a pirate! arrrrgh! There's no time of year like Halloween. It makes me feel like a kid again! |
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